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Top 10 Ways To NOT Sell Your House

Kevin Boer, Broker Owner, 3 Oceans Real Estate, Inc. ()

November 26th, 2007 · 2 Comments

We Realtors are full of advice on how to do certain things, like, oh, selling your house.  Here’s a contrarian list, to be followed only by those intent on not selling their house.

10. Stage it like your good ol’ great-grandmother from the old country would have.  After all, if that Dutch Delft Tchochkey was good enough for her, it ought to be good enough for a prospective home buyer!

9. Refuse to have open houses.  I mean, hey, weekends are for watching sports games.  Let the prospective home buyers find a time that’s not inconvenient for me.

8. Refuse to have your agent list it in the local MLS.  I don’t want all the neighbors to know I’m selling my house!  And hey, isn’t that why I hired a Realtor anyways — to market the home?  Shouldn’t need the MLS for that.

7. Refuse to have your agent put a lockbox on the property.  Too much of a security risk.  Somebody might come and swipe said Dutch Delft Tchochkey.

6. Insist on keeping your flock of Doberman Pinchers inside the house.  Again, need to protect said Dutch Delft Tchochkey.

5. Put the “For Sale” sign in your back yard … upside down.  Don’t want passers-by to know my home is for sale.

4. Hire your cousin’s ex-boss’s ex-wife’s ex-boyfriend (himself an ex-con), who lives 500 miles away, to represent you.  After all, it’s more important to hire somebody you have a connection with than a real local professional.

3. Insist on a buyer’s agent commission of $50. After all, the buyer can pay for his own damn representation!

2. Paint the house a refreshing shade of bright pink.  Great-grandma loved it.  ‘Nuff said.

1. Overprice the home. No other homes have ever sold for more than $1M in my neighborhood, but clearly, my home is worth $1.5M.

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Tags: Consumer · Real estate

2 responses so far ↓

  • 1 Real Estate and Real Life in the Wine Country » Want to sell your house? // Dec 1, 2007 at 8:16 am

    [...] Boer had too much fun writing the article “Top 10 Ways To NOT Sell Your House”. As a Realtor I take my job seriously and assist my clients with great staging ideas, help with [...]

  • 2 lollylooker // Dec 4, 2007 at 5:44 pm

    But what if I just want to wait for a really really stupid all cash buyer that will purchase the house sight unseen with no contingencies? I’m kidding, but I have heard that before (in different words). I would initially say “you are retarded” to that person, but there are so many stupid people out there every once in blue moon, some trust fund baby with more money that brains will buy a dog with fleas and this is what drives stupid sellers to tell their agents to do dumb stuff. The income properties are just as bad. You want me to put down $500k so I can manage 12 rent controlled tenant and break even. Sounds hawt!!

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