Yes, the market is bad in many parts of the country — even many parts of the Bay Area. But real estate, as the adage goes, is local, local, local — and in many of the good school district parts of the Bay, prices continue to go up and multiple offers are back in vogue. Case in point — in the last week, there were at least two properties that sold with multiple offers — with “multiple” in this case meaning “more than 10.”
So, if you’re a buyer competing with other buyers, what should you do? Our advice: Pull out all the stops. Here are some time-tested suggestions*:
- Bring a large manila envelope stuffed with 100 dollar bills to the offer presentation. Discreetly slip it to the listing agent.
- Rename your first born after the owner of the property. Bring said child to offer presentation, clearly labeled “I named him/her after you!”
- Offer a 15-year free rent-back to the sellers.
- Bring along your dream therapist. Have him/her describe your last session in which you clearly saw yourself buying, owning, and living in the home.
- Lobby congress to make it illegal to not accept your offer.
- Stalk the seller for a few days ahead of the offer presentation. Hold up signs saying, “Sell me your home! Please!”
- Add an extra zero to the price you’re offering.
- Do a “presumptive close.” The day of the offer presentation, show up with moving trucks, decorators, painters, and other assorted workmen. Tell the current home owners you’re about to move in — didn’t they get the memo?
- Bring along your burly cousin to the offering. Have him sit menacingly in the corner, swinging a baseball bat. Make oblique comments about “keeping him happy” and “how disappointed he’ll be if I don’t win the house.”
- Put up a sign outside the offer presentation office saying, “The home has already sold! Nah nah nah nah nah nah!”
* These suggestions are intended to be humorous. Pleasure consult with your attorney and/or Realtor before following them.
Tags: Humor, Multiple offers
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3 responses so far ↓
1 Patti Herrington // Apr 4, 2008 at 7:57 pm
Very entertaining post.
2 Jamie Geiger // Apr 4, 2008 at 10:40 pm
Real Estate is local- Amen- The last 3 offers I have written have had multiple offers. Price, location and condition- if you have all 3 the offers will come- Love the post
3 theFrontSteps // Apr 5, 2008 at 3:05 pm
This post was just plain MONEY! Good laugh. Thanks!
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